Operating somewhere in Milan. It is 2026, and I still do not understand how umbrellas work in the wind.
"He is completely harmless, but mostly confused." > — Someone, probably.
Instead of traditional skills, I have specialized in highly specific, unmarketable life mechanics.
- Current Objective: To sit in a slightly more comfortable chair.
- Threat Level: Extremely low.
- Special Capability: Can seamlessly blend into the background of any social gathering until it is time to leave.
| Activity | Success Rate | Official Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Dodging pigeons | 98% | The Duomo incident of '24 still haunts me. |
| Ignoring the doorbell | 100% | Flawless, silent execution. |
| Remembering why I walked into a room | 12% | Declining annually. |
| Tactical Silence | 85% | Replying to complex questions with a slow, enigmatic nod. |